fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
