I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
