I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
