We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
