dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm at about main and main street
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
