Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
