I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
