Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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