so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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