Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
