also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
