I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
