I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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