you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize