P.S. I can't hear my feet
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
