if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
