Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
