i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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