Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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