Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
