you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
