"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
