I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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