Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
