How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
