the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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