He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
