You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
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when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
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As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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