i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
