he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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