So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
