you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
