I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
