I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
