am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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