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you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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