like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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