I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
