Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
