I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
