Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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