would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
