**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Can I color on your dick again?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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