Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
