Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
