I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
