If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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