tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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