I wish I could teleport
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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