The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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