Moan for me like Helen Keller
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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