I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Green mimosas i think yes
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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