This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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