This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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