Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
