Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
