I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
