a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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