I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
BRING THE BAGELS
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
