I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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