She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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