So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
