I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
