Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
