I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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