I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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