You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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